happy fathers day! a couple days late

Spencer and I have been talking about trying to blog about all sorts of stuff and eventually in years to come looking back at all the fun memories we published on our personal blog. I wanted to post the letter I sent to my dad for fathers day(AND A NEW LAWNMOWER that he loves thanks to all the sibs who went in on the gift)...1) so he and I can look at it whenever 2) so in years to come i will know i told my dad i loved him.

Dear Dad;
It breaks my heart to say this but this is really the first Father’s Day in 28 and ½ years that I will be unable to spend the day with you. Wow, you never really know how much you will miss people till you are gone for a day, a week, and then a month and now it’s been several months and sometimes I find myself having a hard time even swallowing without my sweet Dad near my side. Times are hard, and times are good, if anything I have learned from you to keep smiling no matter what outside circumstances are occurring, or what worldly thing is trying to pull me down. I love you so much!!
You and I have shared many things together, many long painful runs, and many long runs that we simply talked about life, many dinners, many laughs, and many experiences from a hospital room to recovery, from the joy of good news and from the heart ache of sorrow. In all I can definitely say, we have shared. We have shared life together, we have shared memories and we have been there for each other when one of us needed a friend. Our relationship feels like closest of friends, honestly best friends because we have no secrets between us.
I am grateful to have been able to have a father like you, a father who thinks about me, who worries for me, who loves me, who has worked hard, so unimaginably hard to provide for me. A father, a father of mine to have now and forever.
You have always been there for me when I needed you, and unfortunately I feel that this time in your life, right now, you could really use me, and I’m not there. I’m not a doorstep away; I’m not even a 10min drive away. You are battling for your life right now, and I’m not at your side to help you fight and win once again. Win again because for the past 4years you have been battling for your physical health and have been winning. I am so sorry that I am not there; right now I know you are saying to yourself she is worried for nothing, that you are doing fine. But you are my Dad and I want to be there just like you have been there for me, I am grateful that distance hasn’t made our relationship difficult, yes I can’t just pop in to say hello anymore, but I want you to know that I am still hear for you, and I will always be, no matter the miles between us.
Over the past years I have always been able to write my feelings and inspiring thoughts down, and you one of my closest of friend has always enjoyed them and expressed to me that you like them and for some of them you have even posted on your wall. And that means a lot to me, it really does, this year I couldn’t write anything because I am too emotional, and had to revert to the computer because my tears kept wetting the page so much that the ink would all run together. Dad I just want to let you know that even though I am not next door (which really breaks my heart, who knew that leaving the nest would be so hard,) I really know what it feels like to truly miss someone now, because I miss you everyday more and more.
I love you Dad, and I hope you have a happy father’s day, because as a father you have truly succeeded! I love you, and hope to someday be able to have children and raise them the way you have raised me. Thanks for all you do for Spencer and I, we are lucky to have you in our lives.
I love you. I want you to know that you are the bravest person I have ever bet, and that our Heavenly Father is so extremely pleased with all that you have done.