GrOWiNg???

this is me and the babies at 19wks and i thought i was huge then....little did i know that there would be so much more to come!

now this is the new me...

i have a hard time recognizing myself in the mirror, but its me, it really is, now at 33wks. huge right. well then why aren't the babies growing???

we saw the the Dr yesterday and both babies are measuring small. i have never been small, not even at birth. Baby B only gained 4oz in 2weeks where she was suppose to gain at least a Lb. they discovered of course more complications, and i can't help but feel helpless, i've been on bed rest for over 4months now, trying desperately to eat enough calories, trying to sleep, trying to stay sane which has been the hardest part, and yet things are still scary and not making anything easier for these babies.

but at least we found what is going on and we'll just have to watch it closely. --the blood flow from the placenta to the baby isn't as good as they'd like to see, which is probably the reason for the slowed growth.....which freaks spence and me out!!! right now we are just in the gray area and we'll see a perinatologist on monday to figure out a plan, and keep monitoring everything close. its just hard

to continue to play the waiting game, and then hope that nothing

between now and delivery goes extremely wrong.

its hard to have no control in the situation...well i shouldn't really say that, Heavenly Father has done a good job of keeping these babies safe so far (and i can't think of anyone else i would want in control of these babies) and i know he will continue to do so....but its just hard. I know everything will be ok, it might he hard, it has been hard, but it will all be ok.

and honestly its been so nice to have the help and faith from so many family members and friends, so thank you, your help and your prayers don't go unnoticed cause we have needed everyone of them. i like what my dear friend Tessa who has also had a complicated twin pregnancy said, "You're about mile 20 of this marathon just a few more to go. Push to the finish, you can do it!" so were in it to the finish and we are so close to getting there, another bump on the road but we're gonna make it....we have too:)

sunday thoughts

Todays thoughts are from an Ensign article my sweet friend sent to me, and it seems so fitting to my particular situation (and i'm sure many of yours) right now, as i lay with 2 little spirits

kicking away at my tummy and at each other.

its an amazing feeling to actually feel life within your own body, and i'm so thankful to have had the chance to experience it.

Even though this pregnancy hasn't been all that i dreamed of, or hoped for, thought i deserved, and thought pregnancy would be like, but in all reality its better. I have truly given up everything i am, literally everything, in hopes of these 2 little ones. Unfortunately i haven't written a lot of my thoughts through out the last couple months because its been so extremely emotional, good and bad.

but now i think i'm finally ready to share, especially so in the years to come i can look back and be so thankful i survived it all, and know that i am a better person, mom, and wife because of it.

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

explains that God loves us perfectly and

“would not require [us] to experience a moment more of difficulty

than is absolutely needed

for [our] personal benefit or for that of those [we] love."

I am thankful to know that what Richard G. Scott spoke of is true. that through life's crazy ups and downs, and hardships we are molded like a rough stone rolling to become our best selves. all life experiences good or bad are for our good, if we allow and accept them to become that.

Hopefully this thought will touch some of you as it has me...it confirms that God loves me and that I can make it another week, because i am not alone in this.

Sundays

Ok so there are a lot things you can miss while on bed rest (the list is infinite) but one of them is Church. Over the past couple of months i obviously haven't been able to go to church and my poor husband has had to go all by himself...i'm sure people wonder who that guy is that comes every week all by himself and why his wife is such a slacker...I love going to church it always puts life in perspective and there really is nothing better than to dedicate a couple hours to feeling our Saviors love. plus those 3hrs on Sundays that are set aside for church are also 3hrs i get with spencer...ever since med school started when i would get lonely for some spencer time i could always count on sitting next to him for a couple hours each sunday....so i miss church, mostly because i need it.

Spencer and i have tried to still have church while i'm at home which manly consists of me watching a Book of Mormon story video (super helpful to learn all the amazing stories in the Book of Mormon even if you aren't 5yrs old) and then i try to read some spiritual things. My dad sent us a great book about temples (scared walls) which is really wonderful and so super insightful. --anyways the reason for my post is that i thought it would be a good idea for me to post one sunday inspirational thought to keep my mind focusing on the important things and to give myself that boost that i normally get from church. so here it goes, this is the quote i chose for the week, i hope it helps me get through the week and help anyone else who needs a little boost.:)

this is a quote from President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorom of the 12 Apostles speaking of Christ.

"If you are helpless, He is not.

If you are lost, He is not.

If you don't know what to do next, He knows.

It would take a miracle, you say?

Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?"

5 Things We've Learned from Bedrest

ok so we thought we better post something.....how bout 5 things we have learned while

on 11wks of bedrest and only 6 more to go!!

Spencer has learned:

1. I think i would have developed restless leg syndrome after 1 week of bedrest

2. I'm an excellent cook, when I have the time

3. Pizza ain't so great 3 x week for 3 months (this happens when I don't have time)

4. Sympathy weight isn't all that its cracked up to be....(ps he hasn't even gained any)

5. Carly's about the bravest person I know

Spence is desperately trying to have a pooch and stick it all out.:)

Carly has learned:

1. that even the little things in life shouldn't be taken advantage of: walking, sleeping, visiting with friends, driving, cooking, doing the dishes, even crying, cuddling with your hubby...i could go on for days.

2. there is nothing better than SPENCER, he makes me calm, reassures me and does everything for me, and hasn't complained.

3. Nothing feels as good as having 2babies kick you, punch you, and roll all over in your tummy...nothing feels so amazing and i'm so glad to have the opportunity to feel

these critters rumbling around.

4. there is no comfortable position after 2days in bed, believe me i know and so does spence.

5. nothing is more important and no sacrifice is too significant to get these babies here safe. Nothing.

30wks and wondering how i can possibly get bigger...a 30wk twin pregnancy is the same size/weight of a singleton pregnancy at 40wks. ps it felt so good to stand up for awhile to take these pictures.:)