rambling

i hope i am not the only mother out there that has those days where you are already exhausted and grumpy and the worst part is you look at the clock and its only 8:30am.  but then i have days where i think, this is great, i could have 3 more sets of twins and be just fine.  these kids are amazing! motherhood has its challenges, but i never realized i would experience such emotional roller coasters.  sometimes i want to smoother the girls with kisses, and then there are times, when i am more of a referee than a mom.  

i also find myself super excited to talk to people.  i have gone running a couple times with some new friends and i am chatty kathy.(so much i might be kicked from the group for excess chatter)  but its because i realize i haven't talked to an adult(even spence) since sunday and its now friday...i surprise myself sometimes that i can even do adult things like read chapter books, write in my journal/blog, focus at the grocery store long enough to not forget all my coupons, listen when other people are talking.  life is busy.

but i can't complain, and i'm not complaining it is just really weird that someday's as a mom are easy as apple pie, and then other days each girl is having melt down after melt down.

spence has had a really busy rotation.  he is now on day 24 of 31, and he finally is reaching a point where he is tired.( i don't know how he does it, i would have freaked out on day 3) he has been leaving at 6am and getting home past 9, or like last night 11pm. he doesn't have time to eat lunch, and forget about eating dinner.  its like he has visitation rights and just pops in every other weekend.  which i know breaks his heart to not be able to see the girls.  so i definitely know that staying home with the twins isn't a big deal. in fact its the easier end of the deal, but i think my vocabulary now consists mostly of: stop, no, share, sit, wait, stop, stop, please.  but the days are long and the years are short.  meaning they grow up so fast.  i can no longer caring both babies at the same time, which is sad because they are so grown up, and sad because sometimes they both want to be carried.  i have been reading the book, " i am a mother" for probably the past 7months(it is a good book and i'm sure most people would have it read in 1day but )....one of my favorite quotes is this.

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,

for babies grow up, I've learned, to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."

and i'm not really worried about cobwebs, but i do have to remind myself sometimes that the 8min mile can wait, that the killer wardrobe can wait, that having my hair done/combed/curled can wait, 

that going back to school can wait, that being something other than a mom can wait.  because i waited 29 years to be a mom, i don't want to miss it.  and even if 4/7 days are so exhausting and lonely, i want to look back and say that i made it through the marathon of motherhood.

reminding me, that as hard as the days are, and as fun and exciting as other things may be, now is the time and season for me to be a mom, and to be the best mom i can be.